| Summary: | FOR ENT J-TT-G-g Volume 14.51582 Issue 71 March 33, 2004 oto Swiss Cake orHo- Ben DufTus '05 "Yes" Ben Duffus '05 "Yes." Ben DufTus k05 "Yes." Ben Duffiis '05 "Yes." BenDuJTus'05 "Yes." . Ben DufTus '05 "Yes." Ben DufTus '05 "Yes." Ben Duffus 405 *; : ' : ' "Yes." Ben Duffus '05 "No." Mooooo. Deathany Bolt Resident Norwegian Discordia's Student Association finally did some-thing worthwhile: last week, they decided that milk breaks will be held during each Discordia class period. Plans had been in the works for this schedule change for about two minutes. Students agree they need a break in the middle of classes. "Professors are boring," said sophomore Barb Dwire, "and my mouth gets dry when they start talking about being thoughtful and informed." Professors had different thoughts. "Our class discussions are fruitless. The students never talk about anything, not even straw-berries," said Professor Plum. "We definitely need a break in the middle of class so students can get juiced up again." The implementation of this new program will require a new branch of employees at Discordia: the Milk Herd. The workers of the Milk Herd will dress up as cows in an attempt to make students enthusiastic about the new program. One employee explained their duties. "We'll deliver buckets of pints of milk to each classroom halfway through their class peri-od," said Bessie. "Then we'll go back around after students have finished to collect their empty milk boxes." The presence of empty milk boxes has raised the issue of recycling. Unfortunately, Margo-Forehead does not have the capacity, or the energy, to recycle a bunch of empty milk cartons, so SA president Conner Lizard has volunteered to flatten them by hand and sell them in an attempt to raise money for his trip to a conference on talking better. Students have high hopes for the milk breaks. "I was only about 2 percent confident about the breaks before SA passed their bill, but now I'm glad they didn't just skim over the idea." said junior Junior. "No bones about it. Milk: it docs the Discordia student body good." free Thurrrrsja ocf( less ons every 0$^tB$$&. Photo by superman « s U o 1- aj e o 5 &c -x "SD ^ 2 « U ra eg cd IU — HI 5 J2 £ *- a Q 3 2 ox) fir.31: _«£ w § P *S -t 'Go-Go Snow' gets a chilly reception RESPEW Hotty McHotstuff Ooh la la! Discordia Theatre has struck out once again with its world-premier of the new musical "Go-Go Snow.1' Though it tried hard to be an arctic blast of fun, this production was more like a cross-country endurance test than an exciting mogul race. "Go-Go Snow" takes place in the rocky ranges of northern Minnesota ski slopes. It features a group of post-pubescent teenagers who want noth-ing more than to model their new parkas and read the latest issue of "Snow Queen Magazine." When they read that the magazine will be spon-soring a contest in which the winners will get to move from their humble ski huts to the legendary Aspen, the teens are thrown into a frenzy. Well, as close as a bunch of down snow-panted and coated ski brats can get to a frenzy. Really, it was more of a waddle. Subplots abound in this bottom-notch production, though they provid-ed the best of the little entertainment in this show. When Sled Dog returns from a ski trip to Norway, she tries to convince the teens that there is more to see in the world than the snowy slopes of Minnesota. In "Don't Look Just to Norway," she croons to them, "Take off your ski goggles, dear/There's nothing happening here." Another subplot involving the nerdy Fermi also produces a chilly reaction in the audience. In his relentless pursuit of the most popular of the ski chicks, L.L., he sings 'The Formula for Heat." Unfortunately, nuclear winter would have provided more entertainment than this cheesy number. Not only was the audience bored stiff, they were frozen stiff as well. The Discordia Theatre staff turned the air conditioning in the auditorium up to a frigid 13.7 degrees. As a promo-tional tool, they distributed compli-mentary carmuffs and mittens to the-atergoers. The set of "Go-Go Snow" reached an all-time low for elaborateness. Budget cuts forced the technicians to shovel all the snow from the campus grounds onto the stage to make a small hill, where the spiteful ski chick Bunny hovers in between her pitiful attempts to dance in snowshoes. The music in "Go-Go Snow," com-posed by Dobber alum Lent Bored, while suitable for an elevator, might have sounded better if he had just picked some notes out of a stocking cap and slapped them on a page. All in all, "Go-Go Snow" was a great reminder of why silence is gold-en in this god-forsaken frozen town. JBob Loveme The Discordian has scooped itself! Years ago, we predicted that President Loveme was contemplating a comeback. Well, folks. "He's baaaaccckkkk!' Says Loveme, "I really like Discordia and hope to make important decisions while I'm here. I've only been given the time that I've been given to send out into the world "informed minions of Christ" to affect God's holy purpose in Moo Rhead, Minn Sola." Along the same vein. Dr. J Bob, has also made a surprising comeback. Upon his return, J Bob stated that, "This is my first home concert in 58 years." J Bob is lead-ing the serendipitous band into a new era, known as the Post-Pesalic era. Discordian staff wants to know when the next comeback will strike. We also wish to Paul J. Chrisjohnson deceased. know if Discordia is going to bring back the much-celebrated and exalted founder of what is known as 'THE dischordant choir/ Paul J. Chrisjohnson. Chrisjohnson was not available for com-ment. This proves the point that in the end, all Dobbcrs make a final homecoming. howse add gose hear. (copee edds, chek speling). Don't think we're funny? Write it yourself! Call me. I'm single. And an Aquarius.
|
|---|