| Summary: | news The Piscordian I I C / VV «S^ April 1. 2007 Jolicoeur adds unique study abroad programs to roster • After voyaging to lands seldom visited by mortals, Jolicoeur creates ties and negotiates contracts with powerful figures By SARAH WASSBERG Staff Writer The President's Office has just released news that President Pamela Jolicoeur will be continuing her academic and diplomatic travels this spring and summer. In December, Dr. Jolicoeur traveled to Oslo, Norway to attend the Nobel Peace Prize Ceremony and in January, she traveled to Istanbul, Turkey as one of the few selected to participate in a dialogue with independent and private universities in the Muslim world on strengthening societies through education. In April, Jolicoeur will travel to the United Kingdom to visit the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, There, she will meet with students and faculty, as well as tour the Hogwarts grounds. She will also meet with Interim Headmistress Minerva McGonagall and the Ministry oi Magic to discuss an academic exchange program, which she hopes will be successful. Jolicoeur has long been interested in international education and believes the Hogwarts experience could be extremely beneficial to Concordia students as well as be a draw for new and prospective students. "Anyone can go to England," Jolicoeur said. "Not everyone can go to Hogwarts." When asked about the potential academic alliance, Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge said, "It is highly unusual for Muggles to be allowed in Hogwarts, but we understand that Concordia is thoroughly devoted to international study and may be willing to make an exception." In May Jolicoeur will travel via submarine to the aquatic paradise of Atlantica. Along with SUBMITTED PHOTO COURTESY OF HOGWARTS MUGGLE RELATIONS BUREAU Interim Headmistress McGonagall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry offers Jolicoeur advice about running a private institution during her visit. Although, McGonagall was engrossed In a crisis within the Muggle world, she was still willing to meet with the President. other important academic leaders, Jolicoeur will meet with Atlantica's ruling monarch, His Majesty, King Triton. Triton has a long-standing reputation as disliking humans though he has recently softened his attitude towards them. jolicoeur and the rest of the diplomatic corps hope to change his mind. In particular, Concordia is interested in creating a new major of biology with an emphasis in marine biology, Jolicoeur hopes Triton can be persuaded to open Atlantica to Cobbers as part or a May Seminar capstone course. When asked about the possibility of hosting a May Seminar, Triton's Officer of Publicity and Head Diplomat, Sir Mortimer Strand said, "His Majesty is very opinionated about these things, but admires a strong woman. Your President might stand a chance." In June, Jolicoeur will travel to the North Pole. There she will have the privilege of meeting with a Mr. Kristopher Nicholas Kringle. The CEO of a global non-profit organization, Kringle is interested in bringing peace and working for the common good. Kringle has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize on several occasions, but has declined them, saying, "Oh! There are more worthy people in this world than I. After all, I only work one night a year." Kringle is particularly interested in toy manufacturing and has employed a great number of Elves, who migrated out of Europe to the northerly regions. Kringle is well-known for his sustainable business practices, Fair Trade wages and the protection of the Arctic tundra and local reindeer populations. Jolicoeur and other academic, governmental and business leaders from the Upper Midwest are visiting Kringle to learn more about his work and his life's vocation. June is the least-busy time for Kringle, who says that production operates at full speed during the autumn months, and also one of the warmest, When asked, Kringle expressed hope that Concordia and other regional institutions would follow in his footsteps. "We must tread lightly on this earth," he said. "And teach our children well. Sustainabiliry is the wave ot the future, take my word for it. I should know. I'm Kris Knngle after all, I know these things." Jolicoeur will return from her travels in mid- June. Crikey!/Among other changes to campus, Ole and Lena changed to Keith and Kylie Continued from page i possibility oi a paper cut, Dundee then whips out a gold-gilded Concordia diploma the length of a nine-iron. "That's not an education. this is an education," Dundee says in a sexy Australian accent as he runs his finger along the giant rolled-up diploma. Violence is never necessary, of course, as Dundee takes his adversary out with the sheer persuasive power of his words. A new school song has also been selected. Moved by recent continual playbacks of Rolf Harris' "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" on local radio station Bob 95 FM, SAC chose said song because they knew the FargoMoorhead community must really love it, Bixby said. Some students wonder it this choice wasn't more the result of a brainwashing than a conscious decision. "Nobody in their right mind would choose that song. I think the repetition has gotten to the SAC," Senior Katie Luther said. Speaking of music, Concordia's music students will soon get their own performance hall, modeled after the Sydney Opera house, Bixby also said. Other buildings will be renamed after various marsupials, such as the Kangaroo Krib. Ole and Lena will also be known as Keith and Kylie. The new heritage will also affect curriculum. A physical education course in surfing is scheduled to be held at Prexy's Pond despite serious logistical concerns, and a course in Australian dialects will be added, which will also fulfill a language distribution requirement. To make Australian exchange students feel more at home, Concordia plans to fence off the local squirrel population and replace it with a wallaby-friendly habitat. The introduction of a wallaby population will offer ecology students an exciting opportunity to study invasive species, Bixby said. Concordia warns students that all the changes taking place on campus might distract from studying, but advises students to take it all in one big outback-sized stride. STAFF PHOTO BY ELSBETH KRUMHOLZ As wallabies run amuck on campus, students practice for dldgendoo auditions in the warm spring weather. The drone of the dldgerldoo will replace the chiming of the bells every hour. As Concordia makes the transition to its new Australian heritage, students may observe many foreign sights on campus. Concordia College english Department gets a ALOT award! • Like the Nobel and Pulitzer, students and faculty really %\ad to get ALOT award for the Concordia College enqWsh department By KARBETH KRUMCOOK Contributing "Writer" There ain't no beating about the bush with this recent news.this last monday, the twenty-sixth of march, announced through campus press release it was that the concordia college english Department had been given the most prestigiousist award available to collegiate english Department's! Concordia colleges english Department has not never gotten this award before. Furthermore—without fear or favor—the Achievement in Literary and Oral Teaching award is generally seen by professors as the college-level equal to the Nobel and Pulitzer prizes. The award is awarded annually. It is awarded to a college english Department. The award is given to the college english Department that "shows outstanding accomplishments in teaching students the function, importance and power of the English language," according to the ALOT website. Concordia college performed good on all three of these different areas. Thus, it is hard to rnisunderestimate the ultimate impact of this highly and outstandingly prestigious award in english Departmental performance level! English Department chair, David Sprunger, was very happy when he was told that concordia college got the award. "I was very, very happy we was named most smartest by ALOT!!" exclaimed Sprunger when asked how he reacted to the news when he was told that his department was named ALOT of the year. "Now a person knows what they already knew." he continued. In a nutshell, the ALOT organization is made up of pretty good english people from across the globe whom look at college english programs based on student's test scores, honors program participation, as well as essay, poetry and news article writing. The ALOT award, which has had very strong emphasis on test result's, is similar to the effective evaluation procedures used in No Child Left Behind. To spell it out further for those whom are unfamiliar with concordia colleges english Department, this year concordia's students were able to produce work that went above and beyond ALOT criteria. 90 percent o( the firstyear writing students received A+'s on they're final papers while a record number of upperclassman were inducted into the concordia colleges english honors society group, Sigma Tau Delta! Junior Elsbeth Krumholz, active with STD, announced her penny for a thought about her fellow english people that were more than deserving of ALOT. "We does ALOT good works!" announced she. "I like the award ALOT!" Other student's, including english literature fellow Jennifer Gunnerson, also with STD, credits the really smart english professors with teaching concordia's english people so good. "I was learned so good by the english teachers!" iterated Gunner. "We read Dr. Seuss, Ph.D. He's a doctor!" Irregardless of Gunnersons opinion, english literature fellow Matthew Benson didn't think it'cl be possible for Concordia colleges english professors to do so good, but he was wrong. "I thought it would have been unpossible for the teachers to have been gooder than I expected," said Benson. "But I was wronger than I knew!" In point of fact, the english Department noted that they plan to have a big celebration in honor of ALOT this next Wednesday at 8 p.m. at night. "OMG, I heard we'll be havin' a really sweet celebration with lotsa cake n' puddin!?" chortled Krumholz. "I likes the puddin' 'specially :-P" True fake facts about ALOT of stuff • ALOT is a strategery plan planned by President George W. 5ush and his high schoo! engiish teachers • The President's pride for and command of the english language prompted him to take the program thinger on • Similar to the successful No Child Left behind Frogram !•• Begun sometime in 2000. • The award is awarded annually to the most best english Department in the country every year • The award is thd collegiate equal to the Nobel and Pulitzer awarde • It places emphasis on test results, like the successful No Chiid Left behind Program • Comprised of lots o' very smart english people • The very smart english people write stuff • They also have cool homework • Also, these english people a\6o have a fanner time making fun. of the engfish language:-)
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