| Summary: | page 4 the discordian November 16, 1979 Booze scandal rocks Discordia Spirit seeps The Reverend Earnest Ole Mancinison was arrested last night and charged with organi-zing a campus black market which distributed large quanti-ties of "communion wine" to on-campus students, according to Heap Big Security Chief Oscar. Also arrested were Ro-meo Snustadeo and Juliette Knutsonue who served as "fronts" or contacts between Mancinison and his student cus-tomers from their religion com-missioner's offices. Knutsonue was dragged out of Campus Devotions by a squad of Chief Oscar's patrolpersons, screaming "I'm innocent! I'm innocent!" as the devoters chanted "We know. We know." ' Simultaneously, another squad burst into Snustadeo's office as he was unpacking yet another case of wine and determining the alcohol content of each bottle-by taste. The "communion ring" was exposed by Pastor Arturio Gnmstadetti, who audited the Attention Car Owners A recent survey of the college's parking lots indicated a high percentage of cars were without permits and/or improperly parked. Therefore, starting Saturday, November 17th, efforts will be increased to TICKET and/or IMPOUND improperly parked cars. Special enforcement efforts will be focused on NO OVERNIGHT PARKING in interior lots. pastors' budget in October. "I noticed that our bill from King Solomon's Vinyards had in-creased somewhat, so I grabbed my abacus and figured out that either we were doing something right, and nearly 604,000 stu-dents were regularly attending Wednesday night communion, or we were doing something very, very wrong." Colleague Carlos Leeatoni at-tributed Mancinison's deviation from traditional pastoral con-duct to academic stress, saying "Earnest Ole was very con-cerned about the academic stress our students suffer. He probably felt that by distri-buting enough wine, he could help the students relieve their own stress." According to Jiminy Cricket- Meier, directory of houses, all dorm rooms have been searched with x-rays beamed from the Health Service, and guilty stu-dents will be chained to the bottom of Prexies Pond to raise the water level. ATTENTION: The Discordian announces the "Stump the Techies" contest. Send in your rock and* roll related trivia questions. If the techies can't answer within one hour, they'll have your answer in three days. Those who are able to stump the techies will be able to publicly humiliate them. If you don't know that VOLUNTEER SERVICES and that Volunteer Services provides TRANSPORTATION WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Get involved on in one of our programs and we'll provide the transportation to jet you there. Volunteer Services Interest Week Nov. 10-16 Office - Above P0' Phone 299-4167 through theatre By REMILKA MCBRUSH Al Gersbach is probably the most misunderstood person on campus. Al never fails to help on a theater production. He proba-bly spends about 24 hours a day at the theater building, but ask any theater person what Al looks like and you'll get no exact answer. This fearless reporter set out to do what no one nas ever done before—get an interview with —Al Gersbach. So one evening after Guys and Dolls, I waited in the Green Room until everyone had gone. Sure enough, when things got dark and quiet, along came Al. I was agreeably sur-prised when he immediately agreed to answer some ques-tions. Here's how it went: Me: Where are you from, Al? Al: Well, I'm originally from Nome, Alaska but now I guess my hometown is Roundup, Mon-tana. I pick up my mail around midnight from my P.O.—that's Box0.432X. Me: When did you come to Discordia? Al: I came to Discordia four or five years ago in 1971. I'd heard that the theater here did not have a resident spirit. Since it is a theatrical tradition, I decided to leave home and come here. Me: What do you do here? Al: I'm primarily a technician. I deal with things above, below and behind the scenes, although according to my union card I do have to watch out for perform-ers, giving them a kick in the buns if needed. The first year I was here I was mistaken for other people. Now they know I'm somebody else. I usually work at night after everyone else goes home. Me: and you're a very helpful spirit? Al: Well.sometimes spirits can do both good and bad. We're related to poltergeists, so we do have our fun! I remember one evening having been to a spirit party, I was walking around checking the building and the building seemed to be moving too much, so I decided some of the lights needed to be refocus-ed. Needless to say, I was not a popular person the next day! Me: But you don't always do mean things, do you? Al: Heavens, no! I'm very involved with the theater's es-prit d'corps. Generally I work on things no one else is able to do or get done. The things that are always finished somehow before a show opens— that's Al Gers— Gersbach cont. p. 6 Uff da ! Thar he blows By OLAF COUSTEAU In response to the rash of giant Lutefisk sightings at Prex-ies pond the Discordian sent our investigative reporter to invest-igate, also to check things out. Rumor has it that the recent tiling of Prexies Pond has dis-turbed the monster's placid exis-tance sendine it on a rampage unparalleled in Discordia's his-tory. According to folklore, the monster, affectionately nickna-med Monster, has been a deni-zen of Prexies since the Ice Age (or last winter, whichever was coldest). Report has it that Monster has lurked in the bot-tomless depths of Prexies (some estimate as much as five feet at the deep end) surfacing only when unwary buttered popcorn eaters travel upwind. Repeated attempts to photograph Monster have failed due to the fact that the butter used as bait keeps sinking. Witless witnesses have pre-sented conflicting descriptions, but all agree he is large, white, quivering, mean and slimey with butter, and goes well with lefse. One theorist believes that Monster offers the best explain-ation for the disappearance of the late Assistant of Students (see Cobbequidick) last seen eating buttered popcorn upwind of Prexies. To put it bluntly, he et her. The administration is erecting the new biology and home-ec facilities to meet the demand of the ever escalating Monster hunt. Hunting expenses will be defrayed by using Monster's cadaver to supplement the pro-tein defecient diet offered by the Uncommons. 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