| Summary: | "Confessions" by Ernest Hemingway, circa 1920. This is an account of Ernest Hemingway's misdeeds and misfortunes throughout his high school career and includes a note from his teacher. Oak Park Public Library Ernest Hemingway Confessions I When I entered High School I entertained two big ambitions. One was to earn a major Monogram, the other, to take part in the class play. Both by luck were attained and the only fun was in getting them because [the monogram] once [attained] compassed they became like the “gall and wormwood” of the prophet. The monogram is in my bureau drawer and the class play was a frightful piece of hard labor. ‘Twas ever thus! This list of confessions is starting out so poorly it almost sounds like a Trapeze editorial, so I will go back to the beginning if I am to gain complete absolution. Freshman year spoiled my chances of ever gathering any scholarship cups. Our Freshman English class was the only class I look back on with any warm glow. Mr. Platt was teaching his first year at Oak Park then and for Freshmen I always think we showed him a II fairly lively time. I recall vividly being expelled from class daily, with no slip to study hall, Mr. Platt was not “wise,” in those days, and going early to the lunch room, only to be admitted to class again the next day on a promise of good, behavior. This happened on an average of 3 times a week. Some of the causes of expulsion that I recollect were, eating oranges in class, 4 boys using identically the same theme, dropping a little glass gobule [sic] containing a vile liquid, and shooting craps with Paul Haase. At that I averaged 75% in English and the folks hailed the high mark with joy. My first attempt at athletics was participating in the cross country run in which I finished next to the last about a yard ahead of Fritz [?] who was equally bushed. I wore my cross country run bob proudly all spring until one day I attempted to see if I could hit it with a rifle and was successful. III First year Latin was an awful struggle in which the odds were all in favour of latin and I was severely defeated. W. Otto Miessner also unsuccessfully attempted to instruct me in Harmony but gave me a “completed” when I heartily agreed with him that he and Mendolsen [sic] were the greatest composers. By sitting in the back seat and only answering when I knew I knew the translation I succeeded in keeping [fooling] Miss Cannon from discovering my utter lack of knowledge concerning Latin and she labored under the opinion that I was brilliant but lazy. Zoology was chiefly to be remembered because Bunny Gilbert Pickles Madill and I used to cup all the pickled specimens of insects[sic], dry them, and mount them in our collections to show Miss Meckel the rare coleoptera, Hemiptera and Diptera we had captured after great effort. Another pleasant stunt was taking pieces of cray fish, frogs and smelts we were dissecting and dropping them in our pals food in the lunch room. IV Sophomore year the coach was deceived into thinking me a foot ball player and gave me a minor monogram which I wore at all times except when asleep and then some times. Sophomore year Bunny Gilbert, Paul Haase and I [made] set a unique record which has never been equaled, Ditching 9 different times under Miss Ritchey and never getting caught once. Miss Briggs from Ratcliff College tried to teach us English and as it was her first year at school she underwent various experiences. My studies again averaged 70 and 75 percent with the exception of Zoology in which Miss Meckel bestowed a 90% and my father was so pleased that he let myself and another equally shady character hike up thru Michigan during the summer and was forced to wire money to keep us from the clutches of the law. $14.75 and costs satisfied the justice of the peace and we learned that it is foolish to leave game shot out of season V in an open boat. Since then I have been very cautious and the calaboose has known me no more. Being in jail gave me vast éclat with all the half breeds in our district and I went on many good trips and acquired as the result of the summer the following items free of charge. First. 1 Working knowledge of Ojibway. 2nd. 17 French cuss words. 3rd. 1 Ash paddle hand [made] carved. A gift from the whitest Indian that ever drank bad whiskey. 4th. 4 illegal ways of catching trout. 5th. Knowledge of the habits of every game warden in Charlevoix, Emmett and Sheboygan counties. 6th. A bunch of experiences I’d even take Latin over again rather than miss. Returning to Oak Park in my Junior year I again was presented with a minor monogram thru the generosity of the coach and falling under the influence of Miss Dixon I began a career of study. Averaging around 90 in two studies 85 in another and VI only lowering the average in Latin which I completed under the tutelage of Mr. Joffery who laboured under the same delusion as Miss Cannon, namely, that I could get it if I tried. Believing this he passed me and I hope that my career in the classics of ancient Rome is terminated. If there was any one thing that would be most valuable to posterity that I found out about Latin it is this, Never recite unless you know you know it and they will never find out the depths of your ignorance! Use that and you cannot flunk. Last summer was marked by the departure of one of my best Pals up North due to an unfortunate altercation with a game warden during which My friends sense of self preservation [?] heightened by a the contents of a jug overcame his best judgment and the warden departed this life and ascended to heaven aided by a steel [pointed] shod pike pole. [Since] After that things were very quiet for a time and I worked steadily on the VII farm until the rainbow trout in the lake began to bite. One of over 4 pounds weight was landed and 3 which together weighed a little over nine pounds also were brought to net one day. The family, while enjoying the fish, seriously questioned the abandonment of the farm and so the last part of the summer was again spent in agriculture. Senior year is too modern history to get the proper perspective but it is now nearly over and I suppose will furnish subjects for Freshmen college themes. My High School ambitions being gratified my present ambition is to see Hudson’s Bay. I wonder when it will be realized. I may see France first but some day I intend to go way, way up north. Maybe when I get there it will fade like the Major Monogram but I will have won it and that’s all the pleasure there is any way. Next summer however I’ll be wielding the unromantic hoe on the still “unromanticer” spuds but I intend to VIII take a couple of days off to look up my Ojibway friends and maybe catch the great, big, record monster of a trout that got away last summer. [Teacher Comment: I detect in this interesting account your old love of making yourself appear much worse than you are. Don’t put your own estimate on yourself, even if it’s a bad one-they will make their own value anyway. I’ve enjoyed having you fora pupil these two years immensely and shall always be intensely interested in your career. If it’s the North Pole, I hope you’ll reach it. M. Dixon]
|
|---|